NME 3 - 1982
The Blind Man's Guide to Blake's 7 - R.L. Fair
(page 14/19)
No More Episodes?

The Blind Man's Guide to Blake's 7.

by R.L. Fair

First of all I must emphasise that there are no naked women covered in custard in this series of Blake's 7, nor are there any mice in silly underwear rescuing the world from becoming covered in custard (in 5 episodes) by a mad thing with eyes. In fact this series of Blake's 7 was pretty much a washout, rather like over-diluted Listerine, with just a pinch of Brown & Poulson for added excitement.

Anyway, here goes for a synopsis. In the first episode the BBC shows off all of its nice new sets and gadgets, and B7 get a base and a ship. The Scorpio, or rust-bucket as it is known, is a really slow piece of junk, which means that B7 have got to spend lots of time doing interesting things instead of running away at the end of each episode. Well, not quite. In episode 2, they obtain a new superdrive which makes old junk-bucket go just that bit faster than anything else in space.

The next 10 episodes were very cheap, as they were nearly identical. Avon hears about this great scientist who has invented a new weapon/virus/regurgitron/coffee machine. B7 go to find him/her/it. They land in a quarry, or near a quarry, meet the mad scientist, who is a puppet of (wait for it) Servalan. She springs a trap, Avon takes a risk, B7 escapes. Run credits. Kapow.

One might find this repetitive, even boring, but there is some light relief - indeed every other episode Paul Darrow (Avon) shows some emotion. This is when he goes red in the face, leans forward towards camera 3 and makes the tendons in his neck stand out. This signifies that he is angry, or worried, or frustrated, or......Of course there is more to B7 than Avon: there is Soolin. Now Soolin is a very unfortunate girl, she had acne when she was a little girl, and boy does it show in the closeups, yes an instant advert for what happens if you don't use Valderma - the cream that reaches spots other creams leave behind. I could go on, but why bother, they're all dead now. Yes in episode 13, everyone except Avon got killed.

Now, those of you with long memories may recall the Liberator blowing up at the end of series one. Well, this is not the same. They are dead. Really dead. I can confirm this as they died in slow motion, that is, each became a gravitational anomaly after being shot and took nearly eternity to fall to the ground (Fred Pohl, eat your heart out).

It must be the end of B7. Anyone for Avon's 2? Orac's 1? Do you care.....?

and yet at golf he never hits a damn thing - K. C. Mann