In the year 2002, an elite team of top paddlers from around the Globe (the pub down Russell Sq.), converged on the legendary campsite and wave of the Rab, to pull moves and moonies, drink red nectar and, primarily, EAT MEAT.

Saturday 22 nd June - That's a BIG wave

Having left on the Friday evening to catch the big white bus across the channel, by Sat morning we were happily cruising through France. The fairly substantial convoy consisted of the experienced hippo and luve wagon, also joined this year by a white van, hereafter known merely as The Beast, with drivers Kathy and Asa forming an elite lion taming team with full compliment of kinky neoprene gear.

After a lovely sunny morning drive (I had air con and a rather cheeky wee fan), we all met up at lunchtime just outside Lyon for a peek at the renowned Hawaii-sur-Rhone playwave. This at first sight certainly lived up to its reputation, and the boys got in to crash 'n burn with style, while the girlies knew what they were doing when they opted for a gentile swim instead. Not the most successful of sessions by our impeccably high standards, as the wave proved a bit of a bitch to get onto, we still managed a few standing ovation performances...

Then it 'twas onwards to the campsite, and after midnight argument over where to pitch, and the erection of first Jon's, then Loulou and my personal hotel suites, time for some kip...

Sunday 23 rd June - Ooops, I don't know me own strength

Woke to a beautiful day, and the dream team boys took an early chance to check out the state of the Rab wave. As usual, proved very non-retentive but we did find a decent little wave above it. I managed to kick off the 'break-kit' open season by snapping my paddles, breaking the opening catch on the boot of the car, and accidentally viciously stamping on bowl. Nice.

Having mourned my broken kit, and publicly buried my bowl in an open grave, everyone set off for a leisurely warm up to the trip down the Durance. Nifty clean little run on the relaxed top bit (aha - improvement on last year), we didn't get the huddle of swims we were expecting until reaching the bridge near the bottom, where Kathy, Paula and Loulou decided the day was too hot and the water was nice and cold. Jumped out at the new playwave at Embrun, and took the chance to have a little tootle. Wave proved pretty retentive, and certainly gave me a good kicking in my new little boat, but some good moves with Dereeeeeeeek proving his skills with a cheeky splish, splosh, swim, swim.

Back to the first of many BBQs, but due to a slight miscalculation on the shopping front it proved to be far from the meat fest like all that followed. We even managed to run out of beer and, more importantly the red-nectar-needed-for-life that is bidon wine. Needless to say, this was never to happen on the trip again...

Monday 24 th June - Pin here with me, please!

Took advantage of deafening snoring round the campsite early in the morning to sneak off and get some replacement paddles down in Embrun. Arrived back to a cunning plan to paddle the Guisane, so off we shot. A nifty run with the only significant problem on S-Bends, with Loulou managing a pretty impressive pin right at the top. The sight of Loulou perched in the middle of the river trying to lure those following into a classic multiple pin was a wonder to behold. Claire was so hypnotized by the sight that when I jumped out to help Theo, Jambo and Raphola fish her out, she attacked me with her razor sharp paddles (I actually still bear the scars). Bit mean really. Managed to lose a set of paddles unfortunately during this rescue and Loulou-less we pushed on without incident to the upper Guisane getout. Having caught a lift with Cardiff, Loulou actually beat us down there.

With a supermarket contingent dispatched to buy the place out of beer, wine and meat (we never make the same mistake twice), the dream team pushed on down the lower section which was a quality little run.

BBQ, red nectar, fizzy cold gold, beautiful woman, half naked men, gazebo, mucho nicotino made for quite a good evening too.

Tuesday 25 th June - I feel positively dirty now Sam's around.

A cunning plan: Jon, James and Raph to leave at 8am to pick up Sam from Briançon and the rest of us to meet them at 9.30.
Problem: Raph stole me bloody keys. Poo.

Rejoicing that at last we had the dirty, stinking minger Sam-ola-ola in our midst, we set off on a mission to destroy the upstart who dared to enjoy the ridiculous comfort of an overnight train ride instead of the joy of the car trip. Our search for waters fast and mean took us ironically to the lower Claree with an additional hit squad of Fat Bob, Andy (or Phil) and his lady. Unfortunately Sam managed to survive the hustle and bustle and his first dice in the jaws of death, but fortunately this wasn't to last...

Bit of lunch before popping up to the middle Claree, where Paula and I split from the rest for a sly bit of doctor and nurse loving in the bushes. The rest of the boys laid a [reported] phenomenal line down the top part of the section before piddling on down the rest of the way with everyone else. The ladies put on a show with first Loulou looping, then Kathy and Claire joining her for a dip, but disappointingly Sam remained dry as a bone. Damn.

Back for more barbie style, and James, Raph and I off on a little trip down the lower Durance after dinner (we asked everyone to hide the keys to The Beast before we started drinking to thwart us, but lo, 'twas not to be). Many wave-wheels and a large clunk later, and James started sinking. I had transferred my spooky break-everything curse to Jimbo, and a large fracture had appeared in the nose of his boat.

Wednesday 26 th June - Theo shows us the way, the truth, and the light

As dawn broke Jon was already out of bed and desperately trying to fill a large crack that had appeared by magic in the bottom of his bathtub (the curse was spreading). Once finally done, off we zoomed to the Gyronde. With a fairly straightforward line laid down on the harder top bit by James, Andy and I, Fat Bob gave us a beautiful demonstration of the way to kill yourself on the river. Yes, one word again - Foolish. The rather dramatic swim unfortunately thwarted Theo's run, but boyo he made up for it later. We joined everyone else and managed another clean run, I swear we might actually be improving.

Post lunch, and it was up to the Onde, with Andy showing us just how far you can go up river. To our relief, Fat Bob decided not to attempt the harder top section, and even Andy wimped out after we watched an apparently quite famous German paddler screw up pretty spectacularly. Left to our own devices, James took up the gauntlet and led us down. Clean lines followed from raph and moi. Theo stepped up to the challenge in his usual face splashing psych-up style, and laid down a line even the German guy would have been proud of. Rock splatting on a rock you really didn't want to splat on halfway down, Theo preceded upside down and inside out down the next couple of drops before emerging from his boat and standing up in the middle of the river to give us all a double armed 'no dislocation' victory punch... Theo, our main man.

Joining up with the others a little further down, we partook of a little carnage on the river. A couple of machine gun quick sploshes from Loulou took me by surprise, with Claire also adding to the swim count. Sam too decided to leave his boat, and much to his disgust left his priceless trademark branding ring wedged between two rocks on his swim down (the curse passes hands again). "If Raph's got a friend who lives in Briançon, why are we staying in a campsite?" Random Harry

Thursday 27 th June - Some places its just better to get out and take your chances Jon...

Slightly delayed start on the river when our quick glance at Triple step on the Guil turned into a half hour wait while some guys faffed around before running it. Seemed fairly clean, and we put it down on the growing list of things to do... A run down the upper Guil proved better than expected, with our swimming stars Loulou, Claire and Sam adding to their totals, before calling it a day at the entrance to Chateau Queyras. For the dream team, getting off the water was alien and unknown, and the posse plunged on down the gorge having sent the others with love to rescue any bits from the bottom.

The rescue support went unneeded with a classy self-rescue mid-gorge from Jon (painful swim from last year by any chance on your mind there?), until suddenly at the very last minute everyone swam and/or dropped paddles at the bottom so our Paula live bait had to get wet and do her business (no, no - rescue, not peeing). Bonus. Time for more of that red nectar stuff methinks (is this actually a word? I never quite figured that out).

Friday 28 th June - The Curse goes full circle

After a brief return trip to the doctor by Paula (yes, pregnancy was feared, and the thought of Glyn's little toddler look-alike kept us amused for days), we set off to the Ubaye valley for some fun and frolics. Unfortunately the luve wagon decided to stop to look at the view at the very top of the mountain separating the valleys, and it took the best efforts of the dream car-tweak-team (Asa a Jon) to persuade the beauty to move onwards. However, we finally made it to the upper Ubaye, which proved to be another smooth paddling effort involved zilch swimming. I like it. With time ticking ever onwards a few of us just about squeezed in a quick nip down the racecourse as well, which was looking good for a run with everyone a little later. Once off the river, the traditional BBQ option was dumped in preference of a quality restaurant in Guillestre. You'll be relieved to find, however, that very few deviated from their daily diet of huge chunks of wholesome meat...

Saturday 29 th June - I think I might have died and gone to heaven...

'Twas a bright and early morning, with all the worms in good spirits, birds singing, blah, blah, blah. OK, a little hung-over at this time in the morning, but today was the beginning of the weekend from heaven. We were back up to a clear winner in the popularity stakes from last year, the middle Guil. But first (we're not slackers) an early, and I have to say very cold, pop down the Durance to get everyone in a rolling frame of mind.

That completed it was up to the first challenge of the day, Triple Step. James led down, with Raph and I suitably spaced to allow recovery time for those happy snappers, and Theo finishing off with a little 'two-step' bonus. No Problemo. Poddled on down to the Letterbox, which we paddled with our new American buddies - even Jon had a crack after deciding that a portage was too much hassle. And onwards down those last three awesome kilometers to the dam. Nice. Round the day off with a fat BBQ and if you ask me it's a pretty good start to the weekend.

Sunday 30 th June - Oh me god! The lion cometh! Run!

Pushing our luck with the affection of the luve wagon, we zoomed off back to the Ubaye for a proper day of paddling. Raph, James, Theo and I kicked things off with an eventful descent of La Fresciere. 400m into this classic 2km stretch Theo decided to test his newfound strength of shoulder by taking a spectacular swim and left his boat pinned right in the centre of the river. A nifty bit of boat rescue later, and Theo and his newly dented boat where off on a little trek back upstream. For the rest of us it was back to business and we trundled onwards. A few tasty drops later we rounded a blind corner to hear cheering and lots of paddlers in their own stylish numbered vests - yes, the Ubaye extreme river descent was in full flow. A bit of frenchie talking later by Raph, and we performed a carefully timed 3 person acrobatic descent with a multitude of incredible moves to the amazement and standing ovation of the crowd… (well, nearly). 20 minutes later and we were finally down to the get-out to find everyone ready to go for the racecourse. Loves it.

With Theo and Kathy (bad back? Poor excuse) our bank-wise support posse, the newly amalgamated river teams headed off. Loulou reacted well to the all night loving we had partaken of the night before (and the happy pills I'd slipped in her morning tinny of Fosters), and from nowhere pulled a total of four rolls out the bag down the river. Good effort. Still, the swim count remained healthy with Sam, Claire, Paula (aaah, at last) all giving a hand.

While everyone else headed home to brew the mother of a barbie James, Raph, Asa and I pushed on down into the gorge. The classic rather intimidating entrance led to the hardest rapid, the Lion's Den. Graded 6 in the guidebook and with a huge siphon on the right hand side it was soon dominated by the likes of us guru paddlers. Countless difficult bouldery rapids followed, and it took us quite a while to cover the 4km to the lake, but what a paddle it was. Breathtaking. James continues to showboat on the Durance

Monday 1 st July - The dark sunset of the luve wagon.

After dropping off Raph and Derek in town (friends and mountain biking now seem to come above paddling - tragic), popped off to paddle the Briançon gorge, but there was beginning to be a severe lack of water and no-one fancied a bump and a scrape, so we shot up to the middle Claree but no luck there either. With the luve wagon suffering, we decided to stuff it into the local Renault dealer, and weeping, I was slowly dragged off up to the Lower Guisane. Still grieving I joined the bank support sun loungers, and was lucky enough to witness a raft pulling the move of the holiday to soak a stony faced Sambo. Hehe. Harry snapped his paddles (ongoing curse wasn't letting up) and had to get off before he even started, and Paula swam and decided to give it a rest, but everyone else came down alright. [Driving back upstream, Raph and Jon quickly located Harry in a bar near the put-in. Paula (smaller) proved more difficult to find, and after about an hour of exploring riverside roads she was found looking cold, wet, and abandoned] but after a few pints in the 'Rosbif' pub we were all alive and well for another evening of pleasure away from the rain (bonus) in the pizzeria in Chateroux.

Tuesday 2 nd July - 'Lose your gear on the Gyr' day

Lazy morning while James, Raph, Asa, Harry and I played on the ever improving Rab wave. Harry took a quick dip to finish off the session. Set off to the Onde for a nearly swim-less run. However the yearn for bigger water was still burning in our hearts and Raph, James, Theo and I had a crack at the Gyr. The path along the side of the river allowed for a full river length inspection, and with a river-wide tree blockage this proved a good idea. Getting on below the tree, this was a true rollercoaster fast ride. Theo took a dip and decided a 3km walk in the sun was a better option, but for the rest of us it was a fantastic ride.

Wednesday 3 rd July - Chill, fill, mill, bill…. Kill?

With everyone beginning to run out of steam, a rest day was in out and we chilled by the local lake down the road. Sam managed to swim across the entire lake to get a chilled beer from the bar at the other side and forgot his money, but the trip was not wasted as he drew our attention to a quality rope swing. The squirt boat was also out in full force, with most people having a crack and getting some impressive results.

De Boyz zipped off in the afternoon to check out the hard-ish Biasse run, only to find it had piddle all water in, but looks a stonker when the water's higher. Still it didn't dampen our spirits, and it was nifty chilled day all round.

Thursday 4 th July - Where's me toe?

Back up to the Guil for some more pleasure. Jon, James, Raph, Theo and I took a cheeky run down Chat-Q again as a warm up before Guardian Angel gorge, the section directly below. This had a few tight technical drops, and although not very long was well worth the effort. While Jon Loulou and I popped off to pick up the newly fixed luve wagon, the rest of the paddling elite zipped up to the upper Guil.

We arrived back in the car just in time to watch Claire, Paula, Harry, Sam and co braving Chat-Q. Quite impressive. Even more impressive was the spectacular swim in the heart of the gorge from Sam resulting in a severely bruised toe. Still, our man from the brotherhood ain't easy to break.

Friday 5 th July - Nice

Last full frenchie day! General consensus to go back to paddle the Racecourse. A good run to finish on, more classic swims from Loulou and Kathy, and with on-bank abseil support supplied by Raphael and Paula. We finished fairly early and had time to chill down and play on the wave at Embrun for a while.

What with it being last evening, we poddled out for a quality and protracted evening meal. With the Rab Festival starting this weekend the campsite was crammed and there was an official disco organized up in Châteauroux. With dancing feet up we zoomed to join in the party - only to discover the 'disco' was more aimed at little chidlers rather than grown men. Humph. Still we came back to find the Rab playwave lit up with disco lighting and full hardcore sound system. The temptation to have a bash was too much for Raph and I to bear, and we finished the holiday kicking some arse in the wave under disco lighting with pumping tunes at 1am in the morning. Hard to forget.

Saturday 6 th July - No, don't want to leave...

Travel. Balls. Finally arrived back in bonny England early Sunday morning. It had been a wicked couple of weeks.





I have to say personally I had a quality two weeks and would especially like to thank Jon for his trusty wagon, and Loulou for generally organizing moi and the trip in general. Thanks are due to everyone for making the two weeks what it was. Bonus.