Only two kinds of people live in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea – millionaires, and students. Located in one of the most posh districts London has to offer, Southwell has all the traits of a disposable product – past the superficial, initially intriguing aspects of this hall, very few advantages persist and remain relevant as your fresher year wears on.
From the most essential of points – Evelyn Gardens is a classy, private, secure and relatively remote part of Chelsea. For the exclusivity of Nassim bundled at Bishan prices, the trade-off is manifest in a slightly disproportional room rate to room quality ratio, as well as geographical separation from campus. As long as Evelyn Gardens remains an accommodation node, the 15 to 20 minutes’ walk from school would be an unavoidable caveat bearable only by good company, or forgotten by poor punctuality. Against this backdrop, the route is straight-forward and is a realistic approximation of the distance one would have to travel when one moves into private accommodation after the first year. Apart from the daily visual treat to expensive, unattended, but regrettably locked and stationary, automobiles (Porsche, Lamborghini, Maserati, Ferrari – gotta (s)c(r)atch em’ all!), there is a complete dearth of interesting things to gawk at while tramping to and from class. By virtue of Southwell’s locality, late night walks from the nearest tube station or bus stop are probably less perilous than, say, stumbling from your room to the toilet for ubiquitous late-night releases.
A little more about locality – directly in Southwell’s backyard lies a large, private backyard compound owned by real millionaires who have generously decided to share it with the aspiring ones (yeah, we put the Garden in Evelyn Gardens). This garden, probably the most impressive aspect of Southwell, is severely under-utilised, making it ideal for outdoor gatherings once the weather turns warmer.
(Note: As you and your friends indulge in the obligatory comparison of halls in the early fresher weeks, you would soon realize that having a garden would constitute your singular ace in the hole in your wondrous new world – where places with spanking new furniture, wide-screen televisions, pristine kitchens, and en-suite toilets become the paradigm of hoity-toity material living when compared to (your) stark squalor. Yeah, Southwell’s rates are bundled with feelings of inferiority and envy, so get real and move on. At least you’re not in Wilson House.)
Room facilities and management toe the line between average and satisfactory. Depending on your luck, rooms tend to be spacious with high ceilings, and there is plenty of sunlight during the spring and summer. On day 1, you are issued with real, proper keys for your room, your refrigerator compartment and your pedestal. This equates to none of that cutting-edge, high-security card-swiping nonsense which would land your Southside / Eastside friends in their routine “locked-myself-out-AGAIN” quagmire.
The rooms are maintained once a fortnight (read: floor vacuumed, sink area wiped down, rubbish cleared, the end. Don’t expect a made bed paired with complimentary pralines and a continental breakfast menu), and issues such as blown bulbs or jammed locks are rectified promptly by the complaint-phobic management. However, for all the alacrity in preserving room livability, the management is dismal at resolving toilet defects; cubicles can remain out of action for weeks once someone has had one too many beers with chili crab (or whatever gut-upheaval combo the locals find endearing), and showers flood with alarming frequency. Do take note that in some rooms, the radiator only seems to have 2 settings, i.e. the range of 1 to 5 has an equivalent effect of 0, and 6 just scalds.
Furthermore, the room walls are membrane-thin, so you would inevitably bear unwilling audience to what tune your neighbour is learning to strum on his guitar. Likewise, your neighbour(s) would be fully aware of the tales and lies you feed to your folks if you Skype with the speakers on. Also, room colour schemes tend to the garish side; if you’re offended with four walls of a glaring shade of mustard yellow, bring more posters along.
Other facilities that Southwell would boast, but you would most inadvertently roll your eyes at, include their common areas, studying areas, and their pride and joy of a coffee bar. The studying areas at the upper levels come with peace, quiet and claustrophobia. Use it if you must, but only after studying in your own room or the library has proven futile. The Southwell coffee bar, run daily by the hall-senior on duty, is a quaint, comfortable place to relax with friends once you get past the massive nightly English gatherings. The coffee bar stocks up on snacks and beverages at affordable prices (but don’t you already own a stash of bak kwa and a bloody kettle), as well as tickets for hall trips to Brugge and Paris, places you would probably rather go with better (read: Singaporean) company. Do note that large-scale gatherings like cook-outs or birthday celebrations in the common room are not feasible as the room is small and cannot be reserved or cordoned off, so there’s really nothing stopping the intoxicated dude slumped across the room from joining your happy birthday anthem. Tip: skip across the road to Bernard Sunley and use theirs instead.
Southwell has de rigueur cooking facilities – standard-issue induction hobs, stained and filthy ovens, personal refrigerator compartments (feel free to misappropriate unused ones), communal kettles and old-school, ineffective, deafening extractor fans. These amenities are admittedly a far cry from the show-room caliber of the Southside/ Eastside kitchens, but you’ll get used to it. Almost to drive home how irredeemably insensitive and boisterous students our age generally are, all kitchens above basement level are locked after 0000hrs to prevent nocturnal alcohol-driven supper parties from shattering the neighborhood’s tranquility. Ground floor and basement kitchens are large, but if you get a room in the upper floors, you will end up sharing a tiny kitchen (1 oven, 1 sink, and 1 hob) with 16 others. Inescapably, flex some patience muscle when it gets crowded, or if you’re not an Engineering student, start eating at 5:30.
With regards to groceries, there is a large Sainsbury’s located about 20 minutes from the hall. Though slightly out of the way, goods are priced more competitively than the smaller supermarkets (Sainsbury’s Local, Tesco Express) or Waitrose. For your friends living in Beit or Southside/Eastside, this large Sainsbury’s would be the nearest place to procure their supplies for cheap. It’s quite a trek, something you’ll get acquainted with one way or another. Thankfully for residents of Evelyn Gardens, there is a Sainsbury’s Local located less than a minute away along Fulham Road. This medium-sized supermarket with no mobile phone coverage past the milk aisle can be a life-saver for days when cooking urges are eroded by weariness and/or sloth, or when you’re suddenly and urgently craving junk food. Along this vein, Fulham Road is also a treasure trove of surprises – a surprisingly well-connected bus-stop, a cinema, Rymans, another Tesco, boutique fashion shops, quaint gourmet retailers, chocolatiers, a hospital – open to your exploration.
In sum, if you are contemplating applying for Southwell, or have already been assigned to this radiant, sparkling gem of a hall, the exclusive membership to the little conglomerate of Evelyn Gardens Singaporeans beckons! Your kindred from Bernard Sunley, Fisher, Holbein and Willis Jackson are within a comfortable walking radius; keeping this company close is highly recommended, highly accomplishable, and very essential in shaping your fresher experience. With increasing workload and commitments, your hall facilities would diminish in relevance and value whilst the misgivings of management would become more apparent. Ultimately, it is the friendships you venture to forge and keep which make a hall a home; everything else would be, and always has been, just another constituent of a quintessential roof over your head.